Flashback Friday: Royal Wardrobe Malfunctions and Mishaps

I'd like to apologize in advance for the content of this post. Máxima made me do it. Let me tell you something: once you start looking at wardrobe mishaps and malfunctions, you can't stop. It's the train wreck that keeps on giving. Allow me to demonstrate:

Apart from flashbulb peril, Máxima seems to be prone to earring problems. (Goes with the territory when you wear giant rocks as jewelry, I suppose.) Noticing you lost an earring (left) is not nearly as embarrassing as not noticing (right).

Left to Right: Crown Princess Mary, Sara Buys (now Sara Parker-Bowles, daughter-in-law of Camilla) at Charles and Camilla's wedding, an engaged Lady Diana Spencer, Princess Michael of Kent

The unplanned problems are the saddest, really. Even the best laid outfit plans can go astray. Poor Máxima's not alone, Mary's also had some issues with camera flashes and visible undergarments. And who looks at the back of their skirt in a bus-climbing pose before purchase? Another failure to consider camera angles resulted in one of the most famous royal wardrobe malfunctions of all time from poor Diana. At least she didn't do it intentionally...ahem, Princess Michael.

Princess Eugenie's among the ones I just expect to have some embarrassing moments, what with all those perilously short skirts. She's not the only one to have let the wind get the best of her, though:

L to R: Queen Elizabeth, Queen Paola, the Duchess of Cornwall, Princess Letizia, the Princess of Wales, Princess Madeleine

Oh, wind. How dare you mess with the royal composure. You have to give credit to these ladies for rolling on like nothing happened after such unfortunate incidents - some worse than others. (If you recall Letizia's windy moment, you know that I am posting the most delicate photograph I could find. Poor girl.) I had a Marilyn Monroe moment once myself, on a street in London. It still pains me to think of it.

Extra composure points are awarded for those that have to deal with the wind on the worst possible days. Poor Marie. I'd make a face so much worse than that if nature decided to have its way with my wedding dress. Oh, we'd have words, Nature and I.

Some royals are more prone to mishaps than others, it seems. Mary's lost her hat on more than one occasion (at Parliament before her wedding, and not so long ago in Vietnam). Lucky for her dashing soldiers always seem to be around to do the hat fetching. Recently, she lost her shoe while in Washington, D.C, proving why a princess shouldn't leave the house without a pedicure. Just in case.

Here's my question: is Sarah Ferguson truly more prone to wardrobe malfunctions, or do people just take extra delight in her mistakes?

I know, Sarah. I'm not helping. But I take a stance like Boyfriend Dave there does: what good does a sour face do us? Just have a laugh and move on.

Finally, my investigation into the phenomenon of  the royal wardrobe malfunction turned up a few particularly disturbing incidences. What do you call it when a mishap is planned, and prepared for, and...intentional?

L to R: Princess Mabel, Princess Kalina of Bulgaria, Princess Caroline

Lest anyone be tempted to make excuses for these ladies, let me clarify: this is Mabel attending the King of Norway's birthday celebrations, Kalina attending the silver wedding anniversary in Luxembourg, and Caroline at the Rose Ball. Not a costumed function in sight.

Listen: if I have to be scarred for life, so do you. We're in this together, friends.

Top 10 Worst of 2010: The Runners Up

Narrowing down the field to just 10 of the worst appearances of the year was nearly impossible. You know I love the disastrous appearances. So, without further ado, the ones that almost made it:

Things that Make Me Sad

L to R: Princess Máxima, Princess Mathilde, Princess Alexia, Grand Duchess Maria Teresa, Princess Alexandra, Sarah Ferguson

From bad fabrics (that'd be Máxima and Maria Teresa) to bad shapes (Mathilde and Alexia), these ladies brought me down with their unfortunate selections. Designers make me sad, too: example being when NATAN attacked poor young Princess Alexandra. And when Sarah busted out her Alexander McQueen...it made me weep for the memory of that poor designer. Have some respect for his legacy, Sarah: retire that dress.

That's enough of the sad. Let's get back to the humorous appearances, shall we?

When Accessories Attack

L to R: Princess Elena, Princess Anne, Princess Michael, Queen Margrethe, Princess Claire

It's the bolero and the hair piece on Elena that takes this pink number from just enthusiastically ball-gownish to straight up costume. Similarly, Princess Anne's outfit on Ascot Day 2 wasn't that bad...until you saw the hair ornaments. It's a little disturbing on a woman of Anne's age (not to mention a woman of Anne's persona). Even more disturbing, though, is this fortune teller get up of Princess Michael. Talk about your costumes! What's not a costume, of course, is Margrethe's floral raincoat - that's just who she is (shame she didn't bust out the matching hat, though). And I'm sadly afraid that these necklaces attacking Princess Claire might just be who she is. Yikes.

Royal Hippies

L to R: Princess Cristina, Queen Sofia, Princess Letizia, Charlene Wittstock

A nice printed fabric, a lovely flow...just makes you yearn for the beach (or Woodstock). But on royal duty? Methinks not. At least we're getting a picture of where Elena might have gotten the inspiration for her clown pants. I have no explanation for Charlene, though. Let's just hope she'll have a better Armani experience come wedding time.

Prints Gone Wild

L to R: Crown Princess Margarita, Princess Irene, Queen Beatrix, Princess Märtha Louise (times 2!)

Oh, prints went wild on the dance floor too this year. Margarita combined the ever-popular jail bird trend with a nice floral for a truly mind-boggling frock, while Princess Irene and Queen Beatrix went paisley (why?). Märtha Louise, always one to give us something to snicker at, dished up two doozies this year: sea creature with a mullet at Victoria's pre-wedding dinner, and striped up like a football star during the Netherlands state visit. It should be noted that she's worn that dress before, to Frederik and Mary's wedding. She appears to only wear it when she has a sash that accentuates the stripe-age.

A Serious Case of Try Hard

L to R: Crown Princess Pavlos, Princess Nikolaos, Princess Letizia, Crown Princess Victoria, Crown Princess Mary, Princess Mabel

There's a lot of fashionable princesses mucking about out there. There are some that are truly stylish, and some that just think they are, but they all have their moments of Trying Too Hard. Marie-Chantal is a couture-clad designer, but I still don't get this overly metallic frock. (Too much.) Tatiana's another fashion industry veteran, but this black outfit crosses from fashionable to Halloween. (Too harsh.) Letizia tries, but I will never have any love for the M.C. Hammer pants. (Too wrong.) I love Victoria, but shooties? Seriously? (Too much of a travesty.) And Mary, she gets it right so often, but this top and these pants and those shoes on a pregnant lady...no. (Too much try.)

Naturally, we close once again with Mabel. With stripper shoes...and a jumpsuit. Wait, why didn't this one make the countdown? Crap.

Alright, you've heard me out. Now, tell me: who did I miss?